Bridal Showers: Who Should Be Invited And Why?

Bridal showers are traditionally planned by the maid of honour, but she is not expected to pay for the entire party. The mother of the bride, the bridal party, the couple's relatives, friends, or even the couple themselves can all pitch in to cover the cost. The bridal shower is usually hosted by someone in the wedding party, along with help from the bride's relatives and friends. While it is not mandatory for bridesmaids to attend the bridal shower, it is considered poor social manners for a bride to make demands on other people's time and money.

Who pays for the bridal shower?

The host is the one who pays for the bridal shower, or at least contributes to it. This is most commonly the maid of honour, but the couple's relatives, friends, or the couple themselves can also chip in.

According to etiquette expert Elaine Swann, if multiple people are contributing, it's best to put one person in charge of collecting the money and making purchases to avoid conflict and confusion.

The cost of a bridal shower can vary depending on factors such as the venue, number of guests, food and drinks served, and decorations. It's important to note that the bridal shower cost is an added expense that might not be feasible for everyone, especially those who are also in the wedding party or contributing financially to the wedding.

The Maid of Honour

It is usually the duty of the maid of honour to spearhead the bridal shower planning. However, they are not expected to pay for the entire party. The maid of honour can approach the bride's family and other members of the wedding party to contribute.

The Mother of the Bride

In many cases, it is considered the mother of the bride's duty to help plan and pay for the bridal shower. Similar to the wedding budget, the couple's parents should contribute financially if they want a say in the bridal shower details, such as the guest list and venue. The mother of the bride can also split the cost with other relatives, like aunts, grandmothers, and future in-laws.

Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids will likely be asked to contribute to the bridal shower expenses, similar to the bachelorette party costs. They may be asked to cover smaller expenses, like decorations, favours, or surprises for the bride-to-be.

The Couple

The couple may choose to plan and pay for the bridal shower themselves, especially for a couple's shower, which involves both partners and a larger group of guests.

Other Friends and Family

The bridal shower can also be a collaborative effort among other loved ones, such as aunts, uncles, godparents, or close friends.

Budgeting for a Bridal Shower

The cost of a bridal shower can vary depending on various factors. On the upper end, a budget of $125 per person is recommended for an event at a venue, including paper invitations, food, drinks, cake, floral centrepieces, games, and prizes. On the lower end, a budget of $40 per person is suggested for an at-home event with light refreshments, invitations, wine, simple decorations, games, and prizes.

To save costs, hosts can opt for online invitations, which can be significantly cheaper than printed ones. Homemade food and drinks are also perfectly acceptable and will help reduce expenses. Remember, the purpose of the bridal shower is to shower the couple with gifts, so there's no need to go overboard with extravagant details.

Who throws the bridal shower?

The maid of honour traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner, but she isn't a one-woman show. She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of the bridal shower, the bridesmaids run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.

The maid of honour isn't the only option, however. Anyone who is close to the bride—including her mother, sister, cousin, grandma, or future mother-in-law—can host. It used to be considered poor form for a member of the bride's immediate family to host, as it was seen as benefiting the family to ask for gifts. But these days, it's fine for the mother of the bride to plan and host the event.

If no one has offered to host a bridal shower, the bride can ask her maid of honour to throw one. If she's hesitant due to financial constraints, the bride can ask her mother or mother-in-law if they are willing to host or contribute.

The host or hosts of the bridal shower are also expected to pay for it. When multiple people are hosting, they should share the costs. It's not usually feasible for bridesmaids to pay for the entire party, but they may be asked to contribute to smaller expenses like decorations or favours.

Are there any rules around hosting your own bridal shower?

Hosting your own bridal shower is generally considered a breach of etiquette, as it may be perceived as asking for gifts. However, there are no hard and fast rules prohibiting it. If you choose to host your own bridal shower, be mindful of the perception it may create and consider ways to mitigate any potential concerns.

• Collaborate with a close friend or family member: Instead of hosting the bridal shower alone, you could partner with someone close to you, such as your mother, sister, cousin, or a member of the wedding party. This approach is more in line with traditional bridal shower etiquette and can help alleviate any potential concerns about gift-grabbing.
• Suggest a low-key gathering: Instead of a formal bridal shower, propose an informal get-together with close friends and family. This can take the form of a simple tea party or a backyard gathering, where the focus is on spending quality time together rather than showering you with gifts.
• Offer to contribute: If someone else is hosting the bridal shower, you can offer to contribute financially or through other means. This could include providing food, decorations, or sending out invitations. This way, you are still involved in the planning process without being the sole host.
• Communicate your vision: If you have a specific vision for your bridal shower, communicate it to the host. While it is customary for the host to plan and pay for the event, they may be open to your suggestions or ideas. This way, you can have some influence over the shower without hosting it yourself.

Remember, the purpose of a bridal shower is to celebrate the upcoming wedding and create a memorable experience for the bride-to-be. While hosting your own shower may provide more control over the event, it is important to consider the potential implications and explore alternative options that align with traditional etiquette.

What if none of the bridesmaids can make it?

A bridal shower is a time-honored tradition intended to gift the couple with goods for their newlywed home and lifestyle. It is usually hosted by the maid of honor, but the couple's relatives, friends, or even the couple themselves can host it. The host is typically responsible for the costs, but it is not uncommon for multiple hosts to share the costs.

If none of the bridesmaids can make it to the bridal shower, it is important to remember that attending pre-wedding events is not a requirement for bridesmaids. They may have valid reasons for their absence, such as work commitments, family obligations, or prior plans. It is essential to communicate openly and understand each other's perspectives.

In such a situation, the bride can consider the following options:

• Communicate with the bridesmaids: It is essential to have an open conversation with the bridesmaids to understand their reasons for not being able to attend. It is possible that they may have forgotten about the event or are facing last-minute conflicts.
• Offer alternative dates or times: If the bridesmaids' absence is due to scheduling conflicts, the bride can suggest alternative dates or times that may work better for everyone. This flexibility can help ensure that the bridesmaids can attend and show their support.
• Include them in other ways: Even if the bridesmaids cannot physically be present at the bridal shower, there are other ways to include them. The bride can ask them to contribute ideas, help with planning, or participate virtually if possible.
• Understand their commitments: It is important to recognize that the bridesmaids may have other commitments, such as work or family obligations. Expressing understanding and empathy for their situations can help maintain a positive relationship.
• Plan an alternative event: If the bridesmaids' absence is unavoidable, the bride can plan an alternative event, such as a intimate gathering or a virtual celebration, to include them and make them feel valued.
• Focus on other attendees: While it is natural to want the bridesmaids' presence, the bridal shower will still be special with the attendance of other loved ones, including family and friends. Shifting the focus to those who can attend can help create a positive atmosphere.
• Discuss expectations: Open communication about expectations is crucial. The bride can express her feelings and desires while also being understanding of the bridesmaids' circumstances. This can help prevent resentment and maintain a harmonious relationship.

Remember, the bridal shower is a celebration of the bride and an opportunity for her to bond with her loved ones. While the presence of the bridesmaids is important, the absence of one or all of them should not detract from the joy of the occasion. Flexibility, understanding, and open communication are key to navigating this situation and ensuring that everyone feels valued and respected.

What if the bride is demanding?

Planning a bridal shower can be a lot of work, and it's normal for brides to have specific demands or requests for their bridal shower. If the bride is being demanding, it's important to remember that the bridal shower is meant to be a fun, lighthearted celebration for her. Here are some tips on how to handle a demanding bride during the planning process:

• Communication is key: It's important to have open and honest communication with the bride about her expectations and wishes for the bridal shower. Ask her to provide a list of must-have items, themes, or activities she would like to include. This will help you understand her vision and incorporate her demands into the planning process.
• Stay organized: Create a detailed plan and timeline for the bridal shower, including tasks, deadlines, and responsibilities. This will help you stay on track and ensure that the bride's demands are met.
• Be flexible: Try to accommodate the bride's demands as much as possible, especially if they are important to her. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations and manage her demands within the given budget and resources.
• Seek help: Don't hesitate to ask for help from other bridesmaids, family members, or friends. Planning a bridal shower can be overwhelming, and it's okay to delegate tasks or ask for assistance.
• Prioritize: If the bride has a long list of demands, prioritize the ones that are most important to her. Communicate with her to understand which aspects are non-negotiable and focus your efforts on fulfilling those requests.
• Offer alternatives: If some of the bride's demands are unrealistic or beyond your budget, offer alternative options that still align with her vision. For example, suggest similar themes, locations, or activities that are more feasible.
• Manage expectations: Be transparent with the bride about any limitations or challenges you may have. Communicate the budget, time constraints, or other factors that may impact her demands. Work together to find solutions or compromises that meet her expectations as closely as possible.
• Show empathy: Remember that the bridal shower is a special event for the bride, and she may have strong feelings about certain aspects. Show empathy and try to understand her perspective. Communicate respectfully and find common ground to ensure a positive planning experience for everyone involved.
• Stay positive: Despite any challenges or demands, maintain a positive attitude and focus on creating a memorable celebration for the bride. A little flexibility and creativity can go a long way in ensuring that the bridal shower is a success.

Remember, the bridal shower is a time to celebrate the bride-to-be, and it's important to find a balance between accommodating her demands and ensuring a enjoyable planning process for everyone involved.

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