Boyfriends At Family Weddings: Who's Invited?

When it comes to weddings, there are many factors to consider when deciding whether to invite boyfriends or girlfriends. While some couples choose to invite all married or long-term couples as a unit, others may be unsure about including significant others, especially if the relationship is new or if there are space and budget constraints. Wedding planning often involves navigating complex family dynamics and setting boundaries, particularly when divorced parents or new partners are involved. In such cases, it's essential to communicate expectations clearly and empathetically. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, wedding etiquette generally suggests considering each guest's situation and trying to accommodate their comfort and enjoyment at the event.

Inviting boyfriends of family members

When it comes to inviting boyfriends of family members to a wedding, there are a few factors to consider. Firstly, it is essential to respect the couple's wishes and decisions regarding their guest list. They may have venue capacity constraints or budget limitations that prevent them from inviting additional guests. It is also important to consider the nature of the family member's relationship with their boyfriend. If they are in a long-term, committed relationship, it may be appropriate to extend an invitation to the boyfriend as a gesture of inclusivity and to ensure the family member's comfort during the wedding celebrations. However, if the relationship is relatively new or casual, the couple may choose to exclude the boyfriend from the guest list, especially if they have not met him before.

Another factor to consider is the family member's level of involvement in the wedding. If they are part of the wedding party or have a significant role in the festivities, it may be considerate to invite their boyfriend to provide them with support and company. Additionally, the family member's age can play a role in the decision-making process. For younger family members, such as teenagers, it might be appropriate to consult their parents before extending an invitation to their boyfriend. The parents may have preferences or concerns regarding their child's attendance at the wedding with a partner.

In some cases, the couple may opt for a compromise by inviting the boyfriend to only certain parts of the wedding. For instance, they could be invited to the evening reception or the after-party, allowing them to participate in the celebrations without increasing the guest count for the main event. Ultimately, the decision to invite boyfriends of family members rests with the couple getting married, and it is essential to respect their choices and understand the various factors influencing their guest list.

When deciding whether to invite boyfriends of family members to a wedding, it is essential to consider the couple's preferences, the nature of the relationship, the family member's role in the wedding, and their age. By taking these factors into account, the couple can make informed decisions that balance their guest list constraints with the comfort and enjoyment of their family members.

Wedding guest etiquette

Being a wedding guest comes with a set of responsibilities and rules to follow. Here is a guide to help you navigate the dos and don'ts of wedding guest etiquette:

RSVPing

One of the most important things to remember as a wedding guest is to respond to the invitation promptly. It is considered rude to let the invitation linger for weeks or months without giving a response. Check your calendar, make a decision, and communicate it to the couple as soon as possible. It is also essential to respect the RSVP deadline set by the couple.

Plus-Ones

When it comes to plus-ones, it is important to read the invitation carefully. If the invitation is addressed to you "and Guest", then you are welcome to bring a plus-one. However, if your name is the only one listed, it is not appropriate to add a significant other or another guest without informing the couple. Respecting the couple's wishes and guest list constraints is crucial.

Attire

Choosing what to wear to a wedding can be tricky. It is generally advised to avoid wearing white or anything too flashy or provocative. Adhering to the suggested dress code is important, taking into account the formality of the event, the season, and any cultural or religious considerations. For men, dressing up is always a safe option, with a suit, jacket, or tie being appropriate choices.

Punctuality

Arriving early to the wedding ceremony is considerate and ensures you have time to find your seat without causing a disturbance. Aim to arrive about 30 minutes before the invitation start time, and pay attention to any special instructions regarding transportation or parking provided by the couple. If you arrive after the ceremony has begun, discreetly take a seat at the back or wait for an usher to guide you.

Gifts

When it comes to gifts, it is essential to respect the couple's wishes. If they have requested no gifts, it is respectful to abide by that request. If gifts are welcome, consider sending them ahead of time or using the couple's registry to choose something they truly want. Monetary gifts should always be neatly presented in a congratulatory card.

Behaviour

As a wedding guest, it is important to be mindful of your behaviour. Enjoy the open bar responsibly, and avoid making any big announcements or toasts that might take attention away from the couple. Remember, it is their special day, and your role is to celebrate and honour them. Keep your phone on silent mode, and if the couple has requested an unplugged wedding, respect their wishes and refrain from taking photos or videos.

Attendance

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, it is generally considered rude to not show up to a wedding after you have RSVP'd. The couple has carefully planned the seating arrangements and catering based on the number of confirmed guests. If you must cancel, inform the couple as soon as possible, and don't forget to send a gift and a personalized message.

Plus ones

When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to note that the rules around plus-ones have evolved and the infamous "no ring, no bring" rule is becoming less common. Couples are dating longer before getting married, living together beforehand, or even skipping marriage altogether. So, it's a good idea to be flexible and consider each guest individually.

If your wedding has the space and budget, it's recommended to invite guests' partners as it will enhance their experience. However, if you're working with a tight guest list, there are some guidelines to help you decide.

Firstly, consider the length and seriousness of the relationship. If it's a new relationship, it's easier to justify not inviting the partner. Relationships over six months old, or where the couple is extremely close, should be accommodated if possible. It's also worth noting that distinguishing between different relationship statuses (married, engaged, cohabiting) can be unhelpful and may cause offence.

Secondly, think about how well the guest knows other people at the wedding. If they won't know many people, it's polite to invite their partner or offer a plus-one so they have company. If they will know several other guests, they can likely enjoy the wedding without their partner or a plus-one.

If you decide not to invite partners, you can always invite them to the wedding after-party or Day Two party, if you're having one.

In the case of parents' plus-ones, it's generally recommended to invite them, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. It's also a good idea to meet your parents' new partners before the wedding, so you don't have to introduce yourself on the big day.

Long-term vs. new relationships

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, there are a few things to consider. While it's not necessary to invite every single guest with a plus-one, it is generally expected that married couples, long-term partners, and cohabiting couples are invited as a unit. This is true even if the couple is not married.

For those in new relationships, the decision may be more complex. If budget and space allow, it is considerate to invite all guests with a plus-one. However, if there are constraints, it may be appropriate to limit plus-ones to those in more established relationships.

Long-Term Relationships

If a guest is in a long-term relationship, it is respectful to invite their partner by name, rather than as a plus-one. This acknowledges the significance of their relationship and avoids any implication that the guest is single. It is also important to note that long-term relationships do not have to be defined by marriage or cohabitation. If a couple has been together for a significant period, they should be invited together, even if they live separately and are not engaged or married.

New Relationships

When it comes to newer relationships, the decision may depend on various factors. If the relationship is serious, even if it is in the early stages, it may be appropriate to invite the couple as a unit. This could be the case if the couple is highly committed to each other and intends to be together long-term. However, if the relationship is more casual or uncertain, it may be more suitable to offer a plus-one, which gives the guest the flexibility to bring a date of their choice.

In conclusion, when deciding whether to invite long-term or new partners, it is essential to consider the couple's level of commitment and the seriousness of their relationship. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, showing respect and consideration for your guests' relationships will contribute to a positive wedding experience for all involved.

Venue capacity

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the most important considerations is the venue capacity. This will determine how many guests you can invite and the overall layout of your wedding.

To start, it's crucial to have an accurate guest count. This includes deciding whether to allow single guests to bring a plus-one and whether to invite significant others, such as boyfriends and girlfriends. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, wedding etiquette suggests that adult guests in committed relationships should be invited with their partners, regardless of the length of the relationship or whether you have met them.

Once you have a rough idea of your guest count, it's time to consider the venue. The venue capacity will depend on various factors, including the number of guests, the layout of tables and chairs, and the space needed for extras like a dance floor, band or DJ, cake table, gift table, bars, and buffet or food stations. A general rule of thumb is to allow for at least 8-10 guests per 5-foot round table, but you may want to adjust this based on comfort. For example, if you have a large number of guests, you may want to consider using larger tables or arranging tables in a way that maximises space.

When touring venues, it's essential to consider not just the total number of guests but also the flow of the event. For instance, you'll need to ensure there's enough space for a comfortable dining experience, a dance floor that encourages guests to get up and move, and easy access to food and drink stations.

• Consider the size of the head table: If you plan to have a head table for the bridal party, you'll need to allow for additional space. For example, a head table for 16 people may require an extra 400 square feet.
• Don't forget the wedding party: If you have a large wedding party, ensure there's enough space for them to be seated comfortably near the head table.
• Think about the entertainment: Whether you're hiring a band or a DJ, they'll need adequate space to set up their equipment. A 4-piece band typically requires a 12' x 20' stage, while a DJ may need a 10' x 10' space.
• Plan for food and drinks: If you're having a buffet, you'll need enough space for the tables and the queue. Additionally, consider the number of bars and ensure there's enough room for guests to congregate and order drinks.
• Don't overlook the cake table: The cake table should be in a location that's easily accessible but away from direct sunlight, heat, and high-traffic areas.

By carefully considering your guest count and the venue capacity, you can create a comfortable and enjoyable experience for you and your guests. Remember, it's better to have a little extra space than to feel cramped, so choose a venue that can accommodate your guest list with room to spare.

Frequently asked questions