Lyla Dejesus
Afghan weddings are steeped in tradition and customs, with ceremonies lasting several hours. While Afghan culture shares similarities with Central Asian countries like Iran and Tajikistan, it differs significantly from South Asian cultures in marriage customs, language, and cuisine. Afghan weddings are known for their formality, hospitality, and adherence to various traditions and protocols. The groom's family is responsible for all wedding expenses, including the engagement ceremony, Hena night, wedding night, and Takhtjami, a post-wedding celebration where the bride is welcomed as a full member of the groom's family.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Dress code | Very formal, with men in suits and women in dresses, makeup, and jewelry. Some attendees may wear traditional Afghan clothing, such as Gande Afghani or Punjabi clothes. |
| Food | Shohla e Goshtee, chalou, palou, shaami kebab, teka kebab, chaplee kebab, kebab e chopan, mantu aushak, naan, baklava, firnee, and fruits. |
| Music and dancing | Contemporary hits or traditional music, including a special song called Ahesa Boro. Guests dance until the end of the ceremony when they perform the Attan dance. |
| Ceremony | The couple walks down the aisle with the Quran held above their heads. They are then given the Quran to read a passage from while covered with a shawl. |
| Legal requirements | A legally issued marriage certificate is required. If the marriage involves foreigners, it must be registered at the Family Court in Kabul or a civil court outside of Kabul. |
| Religious requirements | If one or both parties are Muslim, a Muslim religious ceremony will be performed at the time of registration. If both parties are non-Muslim foreigners, a civil ceremony may be performed. |
| Dowry | The bride brings clothes, home accessories, bed sheets, and other items she needs for her new home. |
| Gender roles | The male is traditionally responsible for all expenses of the wedding. Men and women may celebrate separately, with women singing, clapping, and dancing, while men sit quietly or chat outside. |
| Cultural influences | Afghan weddings may show influences from Pakistani, Indian, and Lebanese cultures. |
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What You'll Learn
- Afghan weddings are a formal affair, with guests dressing up in their finest clothes
- The groom's family initiates the marriage proposal, which is then negotiated by both families
- The bride's family is in a more demanding position as the groom's family bears the wedding expenses
- The wedding ceremony involves many traditions and can last for over four to five hours
- The bride's family brings her breakfast or lunch to the groom's home the morning after the wedding
Afghan weddings are a formal affair, with guests dressing up in their finest clothes
Afghan weddings are vibrant, joyful, and family-centred celebrations that can last several days. They are formal affairs, with guests expected to dress up in their finest clothes. Women often wear vibrant dresses and scarves, while men typically wear suits or traditional Afghan clothing.
The weddings are steeped in tradition, with many customs and rituals to be performed. The festivities begin with a proposal, which must come from the groom and his family. Once the bride's family accepts, they send "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family, along with sweets to signify their approval. The engagement ceremony follows, where the bride and groom get to know each other properly before the wedding. The bride's family arranges an Iftari meal for the groom's family during Ramadan, and the groom's family reciprocates with lavish gifts for the bride on both Eids and Nowrozi, the Afghan New Year.
The wedding ceremony itself is a grand affair, with the bride and groom making a grand entrance to the sound of special songs and flowers strewn in their path. The Quran is held above their heads as they walk down the aisle to their decorated chairs. The ceremony includes the Nikah, a Muslim marriage contract considered the most important tradition uniting the couple. The bride wears green, signifying purity and happiness for their new life. After the Nikah, the couple cuts the wedding cake, followed by more music and dancing. The Attan dance is a must, with guests joining in to celebrate the newlyweds.
The Takhtjami or Takhjami celebration occurs a week after the wedding. Guests bring gifts and greet the couple, marking the bride's official acceptance into the groom's family. The bride brings a dowry, including clothes, home accessories, and bed linens, and in some regions, the groom's family pays Walwar to the bride's family to provide for her new life.
Afghan weddings are a blend of old and new, with traditional customs and modern touches. They are a reflection of Afghan culture, which retains its unique identity while embracing influences from neighbouring regions.
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The groom's family initiates the marriage proposal, which is then negotiated by both families
In Afghan weddings, the groom's family typically initiates the marriage proposal, which marks the beginning of a series of events and negotiations between the two families. This proposal is sent to the bride's home, and upon acceptance, the bride's family sends "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family as a sign of approval. This occasion is called "Shirini", which means "sweets" in the local Afghan language.
The groom's family then starts sending gifts to the bride, and the engagement period begins. During this time, the bride and groom get to know each other and participate in pre-wedding festivities, such as Iftari, where the bride's family hosts an evening meal for the groom's family during Ramadan, and Eidi, where the groom's family presents lavish gifts to the bride during the two Eids of the year. The engagement ceremony is arranged by the bride's family, and it is customary for the groom to wear traditional Afghan attire, including a shirt, pants (jami), and headgear (lungy).
Following the engagement, the Nikah ceremony takes place, either on the wedding day or beforehand, depending on the family's preference. The Nikah is a private and intimate ceremony attended only by the couple's immediate family and the Mullah or Islamic clergy. During the Nikah, the couple is provided with a shawl to cover themselves and a mirror through which they see each other's reflection for the first time as a married couple. They then read Quranic verses to each other under the shawl.
The wedding ceremony is usually held in the evening and is a lively affair with music, dancing, and an abundance of food. The groom's family traditionally bears the expenses of the wedding festivities. After the wedding, the bride's family brings lunch to the groom's home, and the bride officially becomes a member of the groom's family.
Afghan weddings are known for their extravagance, with high costs associated with wedding halls, lavish meals, and the tradition of the groom's family paying a "bride price" to the bride's family. While this tradition is contested, it remains a significant aspect of Afghan wedding customs.
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The bride's family is in a more demanding position as the groom's family bears the wedding expenses
Afghan weddings are colourful, entertaining, and steeped in tradition. However, they are also expensive, with high costs for wedding venues, food, and transport. The groom's family is expected to bear the majority of the wedding expenses, including a bride price, or "walwar", paid to the bride's family. This can lead to significant financial strain, with grooms' families often expected to spend thousands of dollars.
The bride price is a contested tradition in Afghanistan, viewed by some as having no foundation in Islamic law. Nevertheless, it is a common practice, with the groom's family paying the bride's family an agreed-upon sum of money, known as "mahr". The amount of mahr can vary, but it is often high, with some families demanding thousands of dollars. In addition to the bride price, the groom's family is also expected to pay for the wedding banquet and related parties, as well as gifts for the bride and her family.
The high costs of Afghan weddings have led to a movement within the country's government to eliminate some of these financially crippling customs. The Afghan Women's Affairs Ministry is campaigning against the walwar, arguing that it is not only illegal but also places an unnecessary burden on families. Despite these efforts, the bride price remains a common practice, with families competing to demand higher sums.
While the groom's family bears the majority of the wedding expenses, the bride's family also has some financial obligations. Traditionally, the bride's parents were expected to provide clothing for 80 to 90 guests, although this has been reduced to providing for up to ten women. The bride's family is also expected to bring breakfast or lunch to the groom's home the morning after the wedding, marking the official acceptance of the bride into the groom's family.
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The wedding ceremony involves many traditions and can last for over four to five hours
Afghan weddings are full of traditions, rituals, and festivities that can last for over four to five hours. The ceremonies usually begin in the evening and end around 2 am, but sometimes the celebrations may continue for as long as the couple desires.
One of the first pre-wedding traditions is the engagement ceremony, during which the bride and groom get to know each other well. This is followed by the Henna (Khina) or Mehndi night, where the groom wears a traditional Afghan outfit, including a shirt, pants, and a headgear called "lungy". Musicians play music, and guests enjoy Attan dancing. A unique custom during this night is the bride closing her hands tightly, challenging the groom's mother to open them. If she succeeds, the bride receives an expensive gift.
On the wedding day, the ceremony begins with the arrival of the bride, announced by musicians playing a special song called "Ahesa Boro". The couple walks down the aisle with the Quran held upon their heads. They then sit in decorated chairs, with a table in front of them adorned with candles. The guests, dressed in their finest attire, interact and socialise freely.
The wedding ceremony includes a variety of traditions. One notable tradition is the couple being covered with a shawl and reading a passage from the Quran while under the wrap. This tradition stems from the past when marriages were pre-arranged, and it might be the first time the couple sees each other's faces.
After the ceremony, the couple cuts the wedding cake with the help of a family member. More music follows, and all the guests join the dance floor. The festivities continue with the Attan dance, performed by all attendees. The celebration concludes with the ""mirror and Quran" tradition, where the couple, covered with a decorative shawl, looks at each other in a mirror for the first time as a married couple.
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The bride's family brings her breakfast or lunch to the groom's home the morning after the wedding
Afghan weddings are a colourful and joyous affair, with many traditions and rituals. One such tradition is the morning after the wedding when the bride's family brings her breakfast or lunch to the groom's home. This custom is known as "Nashtaye" and is a delicious spread of Afghan cuisines.
The night before, the newlyweds would have celebrated with much dancing and merriment, welcoming the bride to her new home. The next morning, the bride's family arrives with food, a gesture that symbolises the unity of the two families. The meal is usually lunch nowadays, a change from the traditional breakfast, and is a time for the families to gather and celebrate once more.
The bride's family prepares and presents an array of Afghan delicacies, a true feast for the new couple and their families. This meal is a significant part of the wedding celebrations, almost an extension of the wedding feast itself. Afghan weddings are known for their generous spreads, with an abundance of food served to guests. The wedding ceremony usually begins in the evening and can go on till the early hours of the morning, with music, dancing, and festivities.
The morning-after meal is also a time for gift-giving. The bride receives gifts from her new in-laws, and she, in turn, brings with her all the items she needs to start her new life, known as the "endowment". These items include bed sheets, clothes, and home accessories. This tradition ensures that the bride feels welcomed and supported as she joins her husband's family.
The Afghan wedding traditions are a beautiful blend of rituals, with the morning-after breakfast or lunch being a heartwarming custom that strengthens the bond between the newlyweds and their families.
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Frequently asked questions
Afghan weddings are usually traditional and filled with exhilarating observances. The groom is responsible for all the expenses of the wedding, including the proposal, engagement, Hena night, wedding night, and Takhtjami. The wedding ceremony usually begins in the evening and ends around 2 am. The bride wears a green dress, which signifies purity and happiness, and the Quran is held upon the heads of the couple as they walk down the aisle. The wedding ends with a special ending song and the bride's family bringing her breakfast the next morning at her new home.
The Hena night (also known as Henna night or Khina night) is a party for the ladies where the bride's hands are coloured with henna by seven maiden girls from the groom's family. The groom wears a traditional Afghan shirt and pants (jami) with headgear (lungy), while the bride wears a purple, pink, or blue dress. Musicians play music and people enjoy Attan dancing.
Takhtjami is a celebration that takes place one week after the wedding ceremony. The guests greet, give gifts, and wish the couple well in their new life. The bride becomes a full family member of the groom's family and is no longer considered a guest.
In Afghan culture, the groom or his parents send a proposal to the bride's home. Once the bride's family accepts the proposal, they will send "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family to signify their approval. Chocolates, candies, and money are also exchanged during this time.
